FORGIVE: it literally means to let go of; to release.

“Forgiveness is a beautiful word, until you have something to forgive.” - C.S. Lewis

When you forgive someone you give up your right to hurt them for hurting you. There is something good about letting go of that bitterness and revenge instead holding on to it, isn't there?

--> But why do we find it so difficult to let go of and to release those offenses that have been committed against us all?

As of late, I have been struggling with forgiving people and the act of forgiveness. How quickly I forget that my Savior has forgiven me for every single one of my sins. So why is it so difficult for me to forgive a brother or a sister?

Out of the honesty of my heart I have often been convinced that forgiveness has to be earned. If someone wrongs me or someone I love, as much as I want to forgive them, I can't unless I feel as if he/she has earned my forgiveness. But the fact is, there is usually nothing someone can do to earn it. When I WAIT until someone earns it, I make myself a prisoner to them, waiting for them to come clean, to apologize, to make amends or to ask for it. I am in a way being bind to the person rather than becoming free to them and moving on with the life that God has ever so graciously given me. Sometimes and all too often I forget that I am on this earth to honor and to GLORIFY Him. Yet still I get so caught up in the actions of others and holding those grudges. That is not my job here on this earth. We are called to forgive just as He has forgiven us. And He forgives us daily, constantly, always.

How about the idea that forgiveness is a one time act? I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. I often think that if I "make the decision" to forgive a someone one time, then that is it..they are forgiven and I can move on. But do I ever actually move on? That is SO not the case and I have been learning during my walk with God that forgiveness and forgiving someone for something is a process that takes more than one " I forgive you." Peter once asked Jesus how many times he should forgive a brother, thinking that seven times would be a fair amount. Jesus responded "seventy times seven." Which, of course, does not LITERALLY mean 490 times, but rather a countless amount of times. Loving a brother or sister in Christ and forgiving them is something that has to be done over and over and over again. And over again. We must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our heart.

Ever heard of the phrase, "forgive and forget"? Of course you have. We hear that all the time in our world today- we act as if the two are synonymous. When we say to people "you need to forgive and forget what was done to you", we are asking them to do something that is actually quite impossible. Sometimes, forgetting can even short circuit the forgiving process. I feel as if you need to remember why you are forgiving the person. Like I stated above, forgiveness is something that has to be done over and over again. If one were to forget about why they forgave a person, they would no longer be able to continue the process of searching their heart for forgiveness for that person.

I can honestly agree with the statement that "you will never be free from bitterness until you believe in a God that is so powerful and so loving that He can cause all things in your life to work together for good." Not just the good things, but the terrible things- the evil things, the things that you are convinced will never be fixed. I know that I sometimes get in the mind-set of "me, me, me." Okay maybe not just sometimes...more like OFTEN times. I make it work in my mind that the reason to forgive is because of what it does for me, the benefits that I reap from forgiving, the peace that I get in MY heart about moving on and feeling free. I hardly ever think of what it does for my offender. BUT hey check it out: we are called to forgive because we have been forgiven. Forgiveness is the obligation of those of us who have been forgiven by God. It is not the choice or the option, but the OBLIGATION. Jesus said " If you do not forgive others, neither will my Father in heaven forgive you."( Matthew 6:15). Forgiveness is not optional for me or for you, it is essential. We do it because of the forgiveness that we have received. Have you thanked your Father today for the everlasting forgiveness that we have received through the shed blood of His Son?

living steadfastly today, because my God is faithful

Understanding things in life is so essential, isn't it? I mean if we do not understand stuff then we would be completely lost when it comes to just about everything. We need to understand why we go to school, understand why breakfast lunch and dinner are so essential, understand why we need sleep at night, etc etc etc. Now think about this: do we truly understand who God is? What He is like? Why He does what He does? His grace? His abilities? Because lately I have been so convicted about WHO my God really is. I want to know Him. Understand my Creator. I want to know Him so that when life happens and becomes almost unbearable, when trials come my way, when I fear things that are unknown, I can be aware of why God puts me through such trials and trust that His plan for my life is so much more than wasting my energy with such fear and panic. Understanding is a word that 'means to be so steadfast that we are prepared, that we are established, and that we are ready. Psalm 112 talks about the man who fears the Lord. Verse 7 says that (the man who fears the Lord) "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD." This does not mean that the man who loves God will never get bad news, however! It just means that he will not have to FEAR it! Think about how much energy we waste on fearing things, worrying about things, panicking. Instead of pouring this energy into real life relationships and glorifying God, we use our energy on fear. How much energy do we really waste in fearing things? Fearing work on Monday morning, feearing that test grade, fearing what people will think of the new haircut, fear of not getting enough sleep, fear of ... you name it! We get entangled in a sticky mess of fear when we "forget" to place our trust in God. How quickly we forget that God is only a prayer away. He loves to hear the cries of our hearts. He yearns to comfort us and to reveal Himself through circumstances. "The man who is steadfast is secure in knowing that no matter what happens, he does not live in fear." He knows that God is going to give him the grace to stand up in that situation. 2 Timothy 4:17 says "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength." Verse 8 in Psalm 112 continues that thought in stating that the man's "heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes." He knows the outcome of the situation and he will have victory over his trials. I really think that we need to have an understanding heart that cries "my heart is going to trust in the Lord and I will be established and steadfast in Him because I know the outcome, that I will have victory and glory over these problems and these situations. This is not the end." We need to hang with these trying circumstances because after this life comes glory! We only have a certain amount of time on this planet. The Bible describes it as simply a vapor. "Here today and gone tomorrow." I want to understand who God truly is so that no matter what comes my way I will be steadfast. Steadfastness and understanding brings us a LOYALTY to God! God deserves at least that much from us, wouldn't you agree? Lets make it our goal to stand on the rock in the storms of life and face them knowing who our God is and knowing that He will prove our faith genuine. How beautiful it truly is when we trust in Him; when our confidence is not placed in faulty earthly things, but in the One who made us. Even if we fall in these trials and fears, we need to have the steadfastness in God that we will get back up on our feet. Satan can never knock us down so that we cannot stand back up. Understanding is KEY in standing back up on our feet, because we understand that God is going to give us the grace to get through whatever we are going through. We understand and appreciate trials because we know that through trials come great joy and great faith in our trust in Him. We learn not to lean on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge him... know Him..UNDERSTAND Him! :) Understanding secures us in Him. Amen and Hallelujah!

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I get in these "blogging moods." I could be doing just about anything and all of a sudden I feel like I need to sit down and start writing, journaling, venting, sort of speak. Tonight as I was having some time with my Creator I whole heartedly felt a sense of peace come and wash over my soul and my mind. It was like nothing else in the world mattered in those few moments but God and I and our time together. It really got me pondering the word peace and what it truly means to have a peace in one's heart, a peace in one's mind, a peace within one's whole entire complete body: spirit, mind and soul. How many times a day or a month or a week can you honestly testify that you have a complete peace about a situation or circumstance in your life? Try hardly ever. At least for me that's how it seems. I came across a quote by Joyce Meyer that basically sums up the peace that I am talking about. She speaks far more eloquent than I ever could, so let's try to dive into a little bit of her words: "Before Jesus died, He willed us His Peace. But we forfeit His gift through strife. God's desire for us is that we live in peace with Him, with ourselves and with our fellow man. He wants us to have peace in the midst of our current circumstances--peace in the morning, at night and all times in between. Peace is our inheritance! And it is a wonderful possession." How incredible. We, as children of God, have inherited the free gift of peace through God's son Jesus Christ. He instilled a sense of peace inside of each and every one of us. Search your hearts for it, truly do some soul searching because it is there! Ask God for peace if you can't seem to locate it! Jesus said to the world "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27) He left us with peace. A peace from the Prince of Peace!! I want to be in pursuit of that peace. I want to experience that gift that Jesus has given to me! The Bible speaks of it so much; the psalmist in Psalm 34:14 writes that we need to "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." Colossians 3:15 talks of letting "the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." We are CALLED to peace. Not requested that we seek peace, not recommended that we search for peace... but God commands that we yearn for the peace that He has placed inside of us. Peace is one of the fruits of the spirit. As believers we need to produce fruit through the way that we live our lives. The Bible defines the fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, and guess what? Peace is the third characteristic mentioned. In order for God to bless us with peace, we must follow His commands. In Isaiah 48:18 the Bible says, "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea." Choosing not to follow God's commands results in the absence of peace. I do not know about you, But I need peace in my life. I want peace in my life. It just makes things that much more, well...peaceful. Aren't you so thankful for peace that is already in us? We have a God that has promised us peace. Stillness. Tranquillity. Serenity. When we are anxious, the Bible tells us to give thanks to God and pray. Then the "peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). The peace of God is different from the peace of men because Gods peace surpasses all human reasoning. Thank you God for instilling peace in my heart and my mind and my soul, I pray that You would guide me in Your ways and in Your will, in an order that I would receive the peace that Your Son has provided through His death on the cross, AMEN. I am blessed.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Can I just start off by saying that God is good?! Oh my goodness, is He ever. To start off, a few days ago I was praying ever so fervently about life and guidance and direction and just..pretty much everything! God and I were really having a heart to heart. It was MUCH needed, to say that least! Towards the end of my time with Him, I found myself over and over again asking Him to grant me patience and strength. Those two words just kept flowing from my heart: Patience and Strength. To be quite honest I really lack those two things in my life these days. Well, fast forward to yesterday and today. Events upon events kept piling up that were filled with stress and uneasiness. I have felt like these past few days have really been a constant inner battle. I got to thinking though.... . When we ask God for things, in my case patience and strength, God's answer is probably going to require some action on our part. God puts us through situations to strengthen us and prepare us for what is to come. But when I asked for those two things, I did not have the right heart nor mind set. To be frank, I just wanted to wake up one day and be a stronger person, be a person with a whole lot more patience that I had the day before. Who was I kidding? Looking back on these few days involving trials, I have realized that God has given me the OPPORTUNITY to grow in the fields that I requested. He has a pretty cool sense of humor sometimes .... :) My Savior granted me the things that I asked for. He put me in situations that were tricky and tough because He knows that I will gain insight and strength from these experiences. Matthew 7:7 states, "Ask, Seek, Knock "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I asked God and He gave it to me. So instead of being bitter over these past days, I need to be thanking and PRAISING my God who hears my cry, who listens to the very depths of my heart and who loves and cares about me enough to refine my souls every need.

While reading a book written by Natalie Grant recently, I came across something that really stuck with me, and I have to share it on here! Here we go: In Psalm 51, David confesses to God after being confronted about his sin with Bathsheba. I found a translation that really tells it like it is, check it out:

“Generous in love—God, give grace!

Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.

Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in Your laundry.

I know how bad I have been;

my sins are staring me down..

What you’re after is truth from the inside out.” (vv.1-3, 6 MSG).

Think about this: The God of the universe, the Creator of all that there is everything there was and everything that will be, has already seen the absolute worst that you have to offer. He is well aware of every lie that you have ever told and will tell, and every lie that you have ever believed about yourself. In fact, He knows the deepest and most hidden secret of your heart. He knows it all. ALL OF IT. And He loves you just as you are. He loves you just as much as He loved His son, who was and is perfect, never sinned! And we are sinners get that same love from our father. If you could really believe that what He says about you is true, that He loves you unconditionally, how would it change the way you live? Just for a second, imagine yourself being totally loved and totally accepted despite all your mistakes and flaws. How would your life be different? I thank God for Him letting me come back to Him again and again. His love never ever fails. When I finally accepted that Jesus loves me just as I am, flaws and all, I began to start accepting myself. I will tell you honestly that it is a daily struggle, though. I am betting that I am not the only one thinking this. His constant love is gradually yet steadily cemented into my heart! A love like that requires and guarantees a change in the person. His love knows every terrible secret, every single selfish motive, unkind word, and hurtful thought and still says, “I choose YOU.” It magnifies beauty that has long gone unnoticed. Think of it as an old painting buried in an attic completely and totally worthless and forgotten, until the dust is wiped away and the master’s signature on the painting is exposed, validating the paintings true worth. Love definitely changes your perspective on everything; what is real, what is true, what is beautiful and lets not forget, what is POSSIBLE. Isaiah 41:9 explains how the God of this whole universe says that He has chosen me and will not cast me away. I am accepted! Isaiah 43:1 tells us that we are His, He says that He calls me by name. I belong! In Romans 5:8 I am told that Jesus demonstrated His great love for me when He died for me. Now that is real, true, sacrificial LOVE. There can be no doubts, I am totally and completely loved. You are totally and completely loved. “The Lord your God is with you, the mighty One will save you. HE will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love..” (Zephaniah 3:17)

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=127523126891&ref=mf

Talk about convicting! I encountered this video while scrolling through my news feed on Facebook the other day. I will be completely honest, I saw that it was a twelve minute long video and I at first dismissed it. I thought "okay hold up, this sounds good, but twelve minutes?! no thanks...I have better things to do!" Well I kept coming back to it and scrolling over and and I finally decided to watch it. Best decision that I have made in a while! This dude, whoever he is, really knows what he is talking about! I did some research and found out that he is just a guy who has a Facebook page and post's some videos as he pleases. You can't even find this video on Youtube (which made me quite upset but that's another story). Anyway, I'm blabbing. Let's get to the point. After watching this video countless times, one major key point really stuck out in my head and I cant help but to write about it and sort of "talk it out." He began listing things like people using the Lord's name in vain, being seen in places that were built to be places of sin, the scoffing of the name of Jesus that we hear every day, jokes that defy His very name and slap His face in rebellion, fornication that we see in movies, etc. All of these things are of the "world." They are normal in the "world". The speaker says that "You will hate one and love the other always. If you love the world, you hate Him. Otherwise Jesus was wrong." I don't know about you but that cuts really deep. A few seconds before he made that statement, he was talking about the movies that we watch, the things that we do, the things that we say, the places that we go and the things that we hear. Think about the things that we hear on a daily basis.. how many classmates or friends use the Lord's name in vain and you simply just dismiss it? You silently think, "okay well they don't go to church like I do, they don't know Jesus like I do, they are a different religion, etc." Sometimes you don't even give it a second thought because that's "normal to hear these days." How about the places that we go? As a college age girl , I know so many people that go clubbing and bar-hopping on a Friday night, that go to apartments and get drunk with a bunch of people on the weekends. Just take a moment to think about what you do on the weekends. Where do you find your pleasure? Does it take alcohol in your system to make you happy? Does it take going out and dancing up against (ill be frank) guy's crotches or girls bodies to feel accepted? All the while Jesus looks down and wonders "Was My death on the cross not enough to satisfy you?" What about the fornications in movies that you watch? I understand that it is normal in this society to have a sex scene in every PG-13 and R movie. But examine that. Most if not all of those scenes involve intimacy between those that are out of wed-lock. What is the point of supporting that? Does that honor God? Why fill your mind up with things that do not bring Him joy? If you do not feel offended about these things, any one of them.. then in Jesus's words, you hate Him. Who are you trying to convince? How disgusting. Thats being completely blunt. And frankly, that is what we as Christians need. Not sugar coated ways to go about this. I am so at blame for this as well. We need to take the initiative to wake up every morning and die to self. Ask God to take away the temptations to do things that are not "of" Him and that do not put a smile on His face. You need to die to your desires. Thats tough! But is God worth it? You better believe it! Did He think we were worth dying for?! YES. Then let's live as if we are dying to self, for the sake of His GLORY! Really, it's the least we can do. Your ultimate goal and desire and plea should be that you want NOTHING to do with sin and EVERYTHING to do with God. True love for God means true hatred for sin. What do we do on those Friday nights when we go out and watch an R rated movie with plenty of sex scenes and a vast amount Jesus's name used in vain? Or how about when we go out and get wasted only to wake up the next morning and regret what happened the night before. We are slapping our very Creator in the face and turning our backs in rebellion saying "No thanks God, i'll do it my way this time. Maybe next time i'll do it Your way? I'll get back to You on that..." We may not have these exact thoughts, but subconsciously it is EXACTLY the mindset that we have. We need not have this attitude. I have felt so convicted about this recently. I examine my actions on a daily basis and I see myself more often than not "spitting" in God's face and turning my back on Him. I may not be intentional about it, but the point is that I do it. Sure, we are all sinners. "No one is good, not even one." But shouldn't we repent of our sins and learn from them and focus our eyes on the eternal things and not the temporary things in life? That's just what I got from this. I need to make it more of a goal to wake up every morning and plead with God that He take any foolish and selfish desire away. AWAY. I want it out of sight and gone. I don't know about you, but I want to and need to be putting more smiles on my Heavenly Father's face. I want to be crucified to the world and the world crucified to me.

Why did I chose to name my blog Psalm One Thirty Nine? Where to start. Have you ever read it? Just go ahead and meditate on these few verses from it before I ramble.

"1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain."

If those words do not give you chill bumps then I have no clue what will! This week I decided to venture out into the great outdoors and go down to the dock in my neighborhood with just myself and my Bible. I got settled down and opened up my Bible to Psalm 139. I didn't flip any pages or try to find a different book in it, but instead I just began to read. What I read and what you just read above completely changed my perspective on things and truly opened my eyes to just how Great our God is. In the first verse, the psalmist David writes of how God "perceives our thoughts from afar." I had to read that one over about four times before it really hit me. My God, the Creator of this world and everything on and in it, is able to distinguish my own thoughts..every. single.one.of.them. He knows what I am thinking at all times. Take a moment to think about that. A moment won't even do it justice. The human brain produces on average approximately seventy thousand thoughts per day. There are approximately six billion people on this earth. You do the math. Can you even fathom the fact that God takes the time to know and observe every single thing we think, say and do? A sense of awe-struck fear came over me when I pondered this. I mean just evaluating my thought life makes me cringe. Yet my God sees everything that I think and everything that I do and everything that I say and He forgives me for it all. How refreshing it is to know that God has already forgiven me for IT ALL by the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross. Jesus Christ died for the sins I committed yesterday, today and tomorrow. Really, how GREAT is our GOD?! Great does not even do Him justice. No word does. David then goes on to write in verse five, " You hem me in—behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me." God's hand is a constant source of strength. Can you feel it resting upon you? When I think and meditate on it I sure can. No matter how far my sinful life will stray away from Him, His hand remains steady on my shoulder. When I am having a day full of despair and one in which I am in a constant state of sinful thought, it is SO invigorating to know and trust that God's hand is still faithfully upon me and can and WILL steer me in the direction of the cross. But do I truly live my life knowing that God's hand is upon me? Do I wake up everyday with the assurance of that? No, certainly not as much as I need to! Reading this psalm, even just part of it, overwhelmingly encouraged me to become more aware of God's intricate presence in my life. Though I turn my back on Him countless times a day, though a majority of my thoughts are not pleasing or glorifying to Him and though my actions on a daily basis are that of an utter disgrace, my God's hand has never left me and never will. He is a light to the darkness around me. His forgiveness and His mercy astounds me. Goodness gracious I cannot seem to grasp how truly REMARKABLE God is!! "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."