August 29, 2011

in a new lens

I'll be so honest, it took me forever to start this post. I would type a sentence or two, and then back space the entirety of it. I would have an idea with how to sugar coat what I am going to write about, and then I would contemplate the reality of it and decide against adding sweetness to it. So what exactly is it that I am presenting to the blogger world today, you ask? It's yucky. It's sticky. It's .... downright messy. Forgiving others. If I can be more than honest with you, I have the hardest time forgiving others. If I am wronged or hurt or, here's my biggest one, lied to- then I just about go off the deep-end. But why? Why on earth do I do this? Why is it my first reaction to take it personally? Take it personally. That is exactly what I do. I have this mindset that looks something like this, 'if they lied to me then I must not be worth the truth, I must be untrustworthy, there must be something wrong with me...' or 'if they would do this to hurt me then I must be worth nothing to them, I must not be what he wants, I must not be good enough for them....'. I play these thoughts out in my head until I actually start believing them. As time passes, sure I may act like I have forgotten about being hurt by the person and lied to by the person, but I never forget and I am not so sure if I ever really forgive. I just make up in my mind that 'its okay' and that 'it will all work out eventually'. I repress the thoughts into my mind, because I know that if I didn't, I would be absolutely consumed by them. This only lasts for a certain amount of time, however. Because the second that same person who hurt me before, hurts me again? I snap. I throw the things into their faces that they have done to me in the past. And here I am today.... taking a step back and really pondering the question: is that an example of Christ? Gosh no. Is that even a display of forgiveness?

....It's not about me. Whew, if that wasn't a blow at my pride, I don't know what would be. Seriously, who am I. Who do I think I am sometimes? Have I not fully grasped what Christ did for me on the cross? Not only for ME, but for the people that have wronged me. Christ died for them as well! He bled and suffered for my enemies. He endured the beating for the person that has hurt me the most. What has really been on my heart lately is this: in the moment that I feel I cannot forgive someone, or I am not willing to forgive someone, I need to remember how much I wrong God on a daily basis, and HOW MUCH MORE He forgives me.... day in and day out. There is truth in this: I have wronged God so much more than I have ever been wronged by others. These people that I have 'such a hard time forgiving' have probably only hurt me a handful of times. I sin every single day a lot more than a 'handful' of times, and yet my God has forgiven me for each one of those sins. As believers, I don't think we will be able to truly forgive, unless we truly understand the work that Jesus did for us on the cross. When you're feeling like you cannot forgive that person, or like the person doesn't even DESERVE your forgiveness, close your eyes and picture Jesus hanging on the cross for that person. Jesus loves them, so much that He was willing to lay down His very own life for them. And Jesus loves YOU. He has forgiven you for it all. He has forgiven so that I may forgive. Just as He has loved me first, so that I may love. When we look at forgiveness through the lens of the cross, it doesn't seem like so much of a burden or a chore.


Father, thank You that I am forgiven every single day, at every single hour, during every single minute, for every single one of my sins from all of my yesterdays, my today, and all of my tomorrows. Give me the strength and the willingness to forgive others as You have forgiven me.




August 17, 2011

so random..so spontaneous.


so I never ever talk about myself in detail on here. It's more of a blog where I write down my thoughts.. kind of like a journal? But today I am switching it up. I am stealing this idea from one of my favorite ladies, Meg over at http://allmylovemeg.blogspot.com/. I'm not cool enough to know how to make a word into a link.... that you just have to click on :) without further adieu, this is a look into the life of Emily!

first things first, I have a new coffee addiction. I now drink about two cups a day... this is strange. really strange. I used to despise this stuff. I think it has something to do with the energy it gives me?! who knows.. :)


A. age: almost 21?

B. bed size: queen!

C. chore you hate: I actually don't mind cleaning. If I babysit for you and your house and kitchen are a mess, consider it cleaned by the time you come home. hmm if I had to choose though, I could live without cleaning toilets.

D. dogs: yes. my Yorkie, Jake :)

E. essential start to your day: shower. if I don't have that, then I never fully wake up.

F. favorite color: tan. or beige. or mocha. the color of my coffee.

G. gold or silver: i'm a silver girl myself

H. height: 5'4''? maybe? ..short stuff

I. instruments you play: none anymore. LOVE piano, though.

J. job title: nanny. mhm, no taxes!

K. kids: that is a negative. not yet!

L. live in: the South and couldn't be happier.

M. maiden name: well, if I am not married yet...then do I have one? my last name? hmm.

N. nickname: Em, Emmie or Ems

O. overnight hospital stays: actually, none! I now need a piece of wood to knock on..

P. pet peeve: hoods inside out. I know, shallow.

Q. quote: today? because it changes every day. "You’ll give up on yourself before God will."

R. righty or left: righty

S. siblings: two brothers, no sisters. I'm not bitter..;)

T. time you wake up: gosh, it all depends. I like to sleep in, though. A little too much? ..maybe.

U. university attended: I go to a college..not a university. still count? :)

V. vegetables you dislike: let me think about that. NONE! love veggies.

W. what makes you run late: a bad hair day. ohh, the vanity.

X. x-rays you've had: teeth stuff.

Y. yummy food: if it's food, it's yummy.

Z. zoo animals: PENGUINS <3


ok so now that I feel like I am in middle school again with the surveys... i will be done. This was fun, though. Thanks for the idea, Megs!


love you sweet sisters!



August 10, 2011


“And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” -Mark 14:35-36



SURRENDER.



I am going through a season of life right now in which the term “surrender” has taken a completely different meaning. A few months ago if you were to ask me my thoughts on surrendering, I probably would have had a very different answer than tonight. God brings us through each season of our lives for reasons. Some reasons we will understand immediately, and others we really won’t quite grasp and comprehend until we see Jesus face-to-face. And I believe it is really important to be okay with the unknown. Over and over again I keep reminding myself that when I can’t see God’s hands, I need to trust His heart. I know that God has the best plans for me… I know that He is for me and not against me… and I know that He is not finished with me yet. It is the tough seasons of life that I am reminded of these divine truths. It is also during the testing seasons of life that I have learned what true surrender to God is. AND I AM SO THANKFUL. If God did not put me through months like these months have been, then I would honestly have no need to rely on Him like that I have been lately.

It is a beautiful thing to surrender everything to God. It is refreshing to know that I am not going through this life alone, that I have a Guide, a Helper, One who knows my every step. My heart aches for the people who do not know God as their Savior and Father. I cannot imagine the hopelessness that they feel when they face troubles and trials that shake their entire world. Who do they turn to? Whatever it is, it does not satisfy. Alcohol, drugs, lust, anger, rage….you name it. It is only the Lord Jesus who brings an everlasting satisfaction in the very depths of our souls. Surrendering my fears, my anxiety, my worries, my troubles…my everything to God is something that I do countless times a day, and let me tell you.. it has made the largest impact in my everyday living. Sometimes I feel like most of my days involve asking God to take things out of my hands and into His. God is so faithful. He hears the cries of his children and He meets them right where they are at…. every single time. He picks up the pieces of my broken life and works in and through each one of those pieces for His glory, eventually putting them back together. He knows my heart, He knows my desires, and He knows my troubles, and He takes me under His wing and loyally guides me. All it takes is surrender… realizing that we cannot face this world and all of the pain that comes with it in our own supremacy.


The verse at the very beginning of this post is speaking of Jesus Christ’s last moments on this earth. He displayed TRUE surrender. He knew that God had Him to die on the cross… and in the final hours before it, asked that if at all possible, God take the vicious act of murder away from Him. In life, it is okay to ask God to take terrible things away from us, it is alright to ask that God remove obstacles from us…. But let’s not end it at that. Notice how Jesus ended His plea to His Father, “Yet not what I will, but what You will.” He basically said, 'Lord let your will be done, even if you do choose to put me on that cross.' Can we say that of our lives? Do we simply just pray asking for God to do things on our time, asking for God to take the trials away? Or do we take it a step further and realize that God sees the bigger picture even when we cant. Our life is just a spec in the beautiful mural that God is painting over all of humanity. God knew that in order to redeem a fallen and sinful humanity, Jesus needed to be crucified on the cross, and so that is where He put Him. Jesus went willingly.


Do we go willingly when God calls us to step out of our comfort zone? Do we surrender to God and ask for His will to be done…even if that means we don’t have control of every aspect of the situation? God does not always change the circumstances. He did not change them for Jesus on the cross. BUT, God always has reasons for the circumstances that He places us in. This has been my prayer lately… and needs to continue to be my prayer. I am not in control, but He is. I am a sinful human being, but He is a perfect Savior. I know little, He is all knowing. I am not God, He is. It is in the times that we get pushed to our limits that we need to surrender to the One who sees the big picture. I promise it’s worth it. I promise you will find peace. I promise that you will not regret handing it all over to the one who set you free. But don't trust my promises.... trust His.


In Him,

Emily



August 8, 2011

written by: Wendy Pope

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…” Ephesians 3:20 (NIV)

Twenty-two thousand women sat on the edge of their seats as the teacher standing center stage asked, “Do you want to have an insatiable love for Jesus?” Her words hung in the air. Then she answered, “Pray to. If you want an insatiable love for Jesus, then pray to.”

Scrambling to find my pen and struggling to spell the word insatiable, I wrote these simple yet powerful words in my conference notebook. The words stung my heart. As they fell from her lips, I knew this was a love for Jesus I did not have.

What I did have was church membership, a lot of church service, and some love. While Jesus was my Savior, something was missing.

I realized I had asked Jesus to be my Savior but not allowed Him to be my Lord. I loved Him for what He did but not for who He was. At age 34, I wanted to cry out this “pray to” prayer. But I wondered, “What must God think of me?”

Service to Him had been my life. Dedication to my church was paramount. But love? How could I not really love Jesus? Certainly He would be disinclined to hear such an elementary prayer from a grown woman who’d been a Christian much of her life.

My thoughts were misguided. It was a prayer God wanted to answer immeasurably more than I could think or imagine. He wanted me to have an insatiable love for Him!

The speaker’s challenge that day became a lifestyle of prayer for me. Over time the emptiness in my heart was filled with a love for Jesus I had never known. My heart not only praised Him for what He had done in my life, but now loved Him for who He was: my Lord.

My obedience and service started to flow from a heart of love instead of duty. Lies that once shaped my life and negative feelings about myself where shattered by the honesty and power of His Word. The security of knowing Him as Lord gave me what I had been looking for my whole life. I found freedom in knowing who I am and courage to live like it’s true.

The promise and power of today’s key verse proved faithful in my life, changing me forever. Today, I want to challenge and invite you the same. Do you want to love Jesus with an insatiable love?

If you want to, then pray to.

Humble yourself before the Lord and ask Him to help you love Him. He will give you immeasurably more than you can imagine. Over time the emptiness in your heart will be filled with a love for Jesus you have never known. Your heart will praise Him for what He has done and for who He is—your Lord. If you want to, pray to.

Dear Lord, I want to love You with an insatiable love. Answer my prayer immeasurably more than I can think of or imagine. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


August 5, 2011

“The one true God gives me strength; He removes the obstacles in my way.” Ps.18:32

May He move that obstacle today. Whatever it is, give Him the control!